Why "Repeat as Necessary"

My life is currently not what I want it to be.

For most of us, on some level, this statement is almost always true. There is always a problem of some form, that needs to be addressed. Still at this exact moment of my life, I'm faced with a somewhat unique position. My family, my home, my friends are all great. There are problems, but they are manageable and acceptable. All of the external inputs into my world are happy, safe, charming.

The problem is, I don't like who I am right now. I feel overwhelmed by the personality I've created for myself. A constant pressure to be worthy of the life I have around me. This pressure has become a distraction. I want to create something 'great'.

I want to "Change the world".

These are things I have always imagined, and dreamed of. I poured some sweat, and money trying to recreate the kind of change that was caused by Wozniak and Jobs when they started Apple computer.

According to http://www.census.gov/ipc/www/popclockworld.html, there are 6,708,560,184 people alive today. Maybe 10,000 of them will really get do do something even close to the kind of world changing creation I dream of.

As opportunities flow near me, I struggle with my desires for play, and my desire to create something. More so, I struggle with my fear of failure. My fear of wasted effort.

When I learned to play hockey, I created my own saying, which I choose to believe.

"When you are skating, you are going to fall down a predetermined number
of times. When you fall, rejoice, you got that one out of the way."

I think it worked for me, because I was sure that I would learn to skate. Still I fear that I won't change the world. In my life I've gone through many episodes of growth and rediscovery. All have left me closer to the man I want to be. I'm in the end of the first act, of one of those stages now. I'm tired of changing, I'm discouraged and I'm scared. So, I remind myself.

Observe, Change, Repeat as Necessary.