Kids and cel phones

Recently a blogger on information week posted the following editorial.

"Stop Reading Your Kids' Text Messages"
http://www.informationweek.com/blog/main/archives/2008/07/stop_reading_yo.html

As this relates to families and adapting to future technologies, I thought I'd share my perspective.
This is the letter I sent to her...

Cora,
As a privacy advocate and a parent, I would like to offer you another perspective. I have several jobs as a parent; security, sustenance, education, entertainment. Security is first, because if you’re not safe, and don’t feel safe, you can’t have eat, read, or have fun. I don’t spend a lot of time on safety, my girls know the basics, I manage the environment, but I know that I can’t focus on the other things if there are risks.

My girls will probably get a cell phone for security reasons, when they enter third grade. They are in second and kindergarten now. They are not getting a phone so they can text their friends, or so they can call them. They are getting a phone so if someone forgets to pick them up, or they get into a fight at a friend’s, or the house is locked and they can’t get it, they can call for help. As I step away from the 24 /7 protection, that I’ve provided so far, I would like them to have a security blanket, a tool to help them. A phone. This is not a necessity, but a benefit that our income provides. Kids do not need cell phones for social reasons, many parents don’t believe that even high school kids should have one. I disagree, but that doesn’t mean that I believe my 3rd grader will be old enough, or responsible enough to have a ‘secure’ means of communication.

Let’s be clear, it’s my job to eavesdrop on my kids. I have to listen to how they interact with their friends, their family. I have to coach them on manners, attitude, and just being nice. As they mature, I will have to step back from that, but I cannot give up my responsibilities to keep them safe, to grow strong, smart, giving kids.

When my daughters get their phones, they will understand that I will know who they are calling, and what they are texting. I will read them eagerly in the beginning and less so when they get older. This will allow me to coach my child on appropriate uses, and keep her safe.

One of the benefits she will enjoy when she buys her first phone, is the knowledge that it’s not mine, just like her first car, and her first apartment.

I guess my largest point, Is my kids trust us to keep them safe. That is the promise we make, you worry about school and learning and having fun, I’ll take care of the rest. I tell my girls I will keep them safe, I tell them that I will read their emails, call logs, and text messages. When they get older they know they will take my place, and be responsible for safety, but now it’s my job.

She is not old enough yet to keep her own room clean, she needs training wheels to ride a bike, and she’ll need training wheels to use a phone.

Trust is the ability to rely on someone or something. My daughter can rely on me, rely on me to help them, listen to them and teach them and as much as possible, keep them safe.

I’m her training wheels, and I’m not giving up the job, it the best job in the world.

Tony Wilson
Chief of family security,
Morning cook,
Tenured professor of life skills at the University of Family
And clown.

Ps One last quick point, kids need to learn the skill of knowing who could be listening. They need to know the will live in a world where bosses can read work email. They don’t have to transmit their innermost thoughts on SMS, and when they learn to differentiate medium and message, that another skill I’ve taught them.